Family Dinners: Keeping the Spark Alive

Are family dinners important? What about empty nesters? Families of one? Do family dinners protect against the effects of teen drug use and cyberbullying? Writer Melodie Miller Davis in her recent blog post “How do you keep family dinner?” got me thinking about recent research on the topic.

In her post, she refers to Columbia Casa Family Day, a national initiative to remind parents that they have the “power to help keep their kids substance free.” Cornell University researchers also have discovered that shared meals may help prevent eating disorders. An article in Time asserts that teens benefit from interaction with their families and find security in the shared, predictable ritual of family mealtime possibly preventing early drug use and the effects of cyber-bullying. However, there is also research that claims such effects are overstated or not verifiable.

Whatever the case may be, the faster the pace of our lives and the more insane world events become, the more I long for the sweet spaces of serenity that sharing family meals can provide.

The Longeneckers and the Metzlers, two strands of my family line were oblivious of any such research but carried on the ritual of family meal time together. Here is a post from the Metzler gatherings, often picnic style.

Family dinners can be very large as seen here in Grandma and Aunt Ruthie’s house with twenty, mostly Bossler Mennonite Church friends, gathered around their huge dining table.

Mother L_Bossler eating_at Ruthies

Whether large or small, indoors or out, dinners require preparation. My sister Jean and her family provide some of the “raw material” from a shared meal at Mother’s house.

Mom&FairfieldsREV

Years ago if we didn’t visit Pennsylvania, I shared holiday meal making with my sister Janice, who lives just 2 ½ miles from us.

There's one in every crowd - even in family!
There’s a joker in every crowd – even in family!

03_meal_Easter_1999

And then the over-flow table with the kids . . .

04_meal_Thanksgiving_2005

After awhile, our children began entertaining us, first in Chicago where all four worked, earned graduate degrees and started a family.

05_meal_Grayslake_1999

Then when they moved to Florida, two years apart, their meal making continued with Fourth of July at Joel’s house . . .

06_meal_Thanksgiving_Cristas_2009

. . . and Thanksgiving at Crista’s house in her bright sun room.

Any excuse for a party! Besides birthdays, Fourth of July can be a cause for celebration too.

07_meal_Memorial Day_2009

One of us, who loved everything about entertaining from meal preparation to talking and eating around the table, will be missing this holiday season and every meal in between, our Mother Ruth Longenecker, hostess extraordinaire.

Mother slicing pig stomach with baked corn and a stick of butter close by
Mother slicing pig stomach with baked corn casserole and a stick of butter close by

 How have family dinners marked your family history?

Coming next: # 1 in a series “Moments of Discovery”

Purple Passages and a Mirror

 

FlowersHappy

The earth laughs in flowers.”     –  Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

MIRRORS

Life is a mirror and will reflect back to the thinker what he thinks into it.   – Ernest Holmes

 MirrorSandraC

Mirrors can both reflect and distort as Tennyson suggests:

And moving through a mirror clear

That hangs before her all the year . . .

But in her web she still delights

To weave the mirror’s magic sights . . .

– The Lady of Shalott

An old friend is the best mirror.   – George Herbert

 *  *  *

PHOTOGRAPHY

Definition of photograph before the digital era: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.    – Ambrose Bierce

Photography takes an instant out of time, altering life by holding it still.  – Dorothea Lange

Later we’ll look at photographs, the way every family does, making much of the frozen moments, the icons of ancestry, the dead laughing right in your face, or just staring that non-committal historical gaze.”     – Patricia Hampl   The Florist’s Daughter SadieLandisPortrait

 

What Tallulah Bankhead thinks about photographs: They used to photograph Shirley Temple through gauze. They should photograph me through linoleum. Ha!

*  *  *

Photographs and mirrors. Your thoughts or quotes about either.

Do you think they have anything in common?

 

Coming next: Milk Bread: Good for What Ails You

Purple Passages with a Camel

via Google Images
via Google Images

Birthdays 

The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been.    – Madeleine l’Engle

The secret of genius is to carry the spirit of the child into old age, which means never losing your enthusiasm.    – Aldous Huxley

There are years that ask questions and years that answer.    – Zora Neal Hurston

It takes a long time to grow young.    – Pablo Picasso

Friendship

Throughout our lives, friends enclose us like pairs of parentheses. They shift our boundaries, crater our terrain. They fume through the creaks of our tentative houses, and parts of them always remain . . . .

–  Beth Kephart, memoirist and National Book Award nominee.

Friendship is the source of the greatest pleasures, and without friends even the most agreeable pursuits become tedious.  – St. Thomas Aquinas

Friends are a reflection of the issues we are working on. – Melody Beattie

Be Yourself

Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!    – Dr. Seuss

Do not free a camel of the burden of his hump; you may be freeing him from being a camel.   – Gilbert K. Chesterton

Camel w cigar_4x3_300

Humor

Some of us suffer from a debilitating mental disorder called irony deficiency. Seeing a doctor won’t help, but seeing a paradox will.”   – Swami Beyondananda

Yesterday’s the past, tomorrow’s the future, but today is a gift. That’s why it is called the present.   – Bill Keane, comic strip creator “The Family Circus”

GiftBag

And a Question:

Why should the aged eagle stretch its wings?    – T. S. Eliot

Your answer: _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ !

 

I look forward to your response and to your musings on anything else that strikes your fancy. While you’re at it, why not add a quote too. The humor section could use some beefing up.    🙂

Thank you.

Purple Passages with a June Bride

Creativity

You can’t use up creativity. The more you use the more you have.       ―  Maya Angelou

MayaAngelou2

[Hear her read her valiant poem “Still I Rise” here.]

Creativity is intelligence having fun.     ― Albert Einstein

Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don’t be impressed with yourself. Don’t compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.

           Galatians 6: 4-5  The Message

 

Giving and Health

Dr. Stephen Post conducted a survey at forty-four major universities that revealed that giving protects your overall health twice as much as an aspirin protects your heart against disease. Why Good Things Happen to Good People (7)

Original art: C. Joel Beaman
Relief print: C. Joel Beaman

 

Being Young in Heart

Another belief of mine is that everyone else my age is an adult whereas I am merely in disguise.”  ― Margaret Atwood, Cat’s Eye

 

June Brides & Marriage

Wedding of Ruth Longenecker and John Weaver, 1950s
Wedding of Ruth Arlene Longenecker and John Weaver, Bossler’s Mennonite Church, 1950s Bride carries white Bible with lacy handkerchief Groom wears plain (frock) coat

 

Marriage is more like an airplane than a rock.

You have to commit the thing to flight, and then it creaks and groans, and keeping it airborne depends entirely on altitude attitude. Working at it, though, we can fly forever.             ― Michael Grant in the San Diego Union

 

The Educated Mind & an Opposing Viewpoint

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

― Aristotle, Metaphysics

 

Life’s Irritations

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.      ―  Psychiatrist Carl Jung

 

Memory and Time

Remembering is so basic and vital a part of staying alive that it takes on the strength of an instinct of survival, and acquires the power of art. Remembering is done through the blood, it is a bequeathment, it takes account of what happened before a man is born . . . . It is a physical absorption through the living body, it is a spiritual heritage. It is also a life’s work.      ― Eudora Welty in                her book On Writing in which she quotes Faulkner (103).

In fiction, time can throb like a pulse, tick like a bomb, beat like the waves of a rising tide again the shore; it can be made as the whisper of attrition, or come to an end with the explosion of a gun  (98).

Memory is deceptive because it is colored by today’s events. ― Albert Einstein

Memory. . . is the diary that we all carry about with us.  ― Oscar Wilde
 *  *  *
Add more color to June’s Purple Passages!
Reply with your own quote. Or respond to one above. 

grapes

I promised an answer to the puzzling question from the last post.

BrokenPianoBenLeg

How did this happen? Here is our best guess:

Our children, now in their forties, were in their late teens when Cliff and I decided to leave them at home alone while we took a short weekend trip. One of the children was very mature and responsible (or so we thought), so we felt safe to leave. When we returned home, pictures on the walls were askew, there was evidence of under-age drinking, and one leg on the piano bench had obviously been broken off but bandaged up with rough, brown U-Haul tape. Our kids’ explanation then was that they had a small party but more came, uninvited, when word spread that there were no parents at home. Yes, the cliché fits here exactly: “When the cat’s away . . . !”

At the time of the first break, Cliff repaired the leg with a wooden dowel, which has lasted until a few weeks ago. Then Mr. Repairman had to reinforce the leg with a sturdier steel dowel. The END. (We hope!)

Coming next:  Hats Off to Dad

HatsOffGift

 

 

 

 

Purple Passages and a Laugh: May 2014 Edition

Miracles & Problems

MiracleProbSign

 

Uncertainty & Faith

The opposite of doubt is not faith. It’s certainty. Faith based on certainty is no faith at all.      Anne Lamott

Embrace the present. Uncertainty is no excuse for paralysis. Do not wait for good to happen for yourself in order to do good for others.     Leymah Gbowee

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.     

Hebrews 11:1   NIV

 

Tea and Books

You can’t get a cup of tea big enough or a book long enough to suit me. C. S. Lewis

TeacupVertical

 

Mothers & Mother’s Day  

This year has celebrated its 100th anniversary in America

Mother jivving to "Turn Your Radio on and Listen to the Music in the Air"
Mother jiving to “Turn Your Radio on and Listen to the Music in the Air” on my iPod

A mother’s happiness is like a beacon, lighting up the future but reflected also on the past in the guise of fond memories.

Honore de Balzac

I am sure that if the mothers of various nations could meet, there would be no more wars.

 E. M. Forster

Roses and Love Life

RoseWall

I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Laughter is carbonated holiness. 
― Anne Lamott

*  *  *

Add a quote or comment on one you’ve read. Please do!

And you can be sure I’ll join the conversation.

(Coming next: “Where the Magic Happens” showcasing author Mary Gottschalk)

Fancy Dress Finds Plain Girl

Marian_Orchestra Letter E_Rev7x8_170

It’s spring concert time and I’m making my fingers fly fast over the strings of my violin pizzicato style, trying to keep up with the syncopated rhythms of The Typewriter Song.

 

Noah Klauss, the director of our Elizabethtown High School Orchestra, is a fan of Leroy Anderson pieces. Last year we played The Syncopated Clock, the sound of a swinging pendulum tick-tocking in our heads as we played the melody.

I am learning the music all right, but in the back of my mind I worry, “What am I going to wear to the concert?” The outfits I have are mostly home-made. A collar or buttons is the most exciting accessory on my blouses or dresses – no lace or plunging necklines for this Mennonite girl, the only plain girl in the orchestra. Obviously, unlike my friends, I don’t have a fancy gown hanging in my closet.

To the rescue: Aunt Ruthie, who out of the blue, gives me a call. Down over the hill I go to our second home, where she and Grandma Longenecker live. As I walk toward the dining room table, Ruthie pulls out part of a bolt of shimmery fabric flocked with swirling designs. I blink at the elegance. Woah!

Flocked fabric similar to actual material
Flocked fabric similar to actual material

She’s already cut out the pattern and I’m to help her stitch the pieces together. Call me Cinderella! I’m going to the ball with a tea-length gown, a fluffy confection beyond my wildest dreams. Even the pin-pricks at my fitting can’t puncture the feelings of fantasy enveloping me now. Thank God, I won’t stick out like a plain Jane after all.

Take away the buttons and lengthen the skirt, and you have my Spring Concert dress.
Snip off the buttons and lengthen the skirt – Voila! my Spring Concert dress.

Do my class-mates in the orchestra comment about my transformation? I don’t remember what anyone else said, if anything. But I do remember the crinkly sound of my gathered skirt as I sit down, violin in lap. And the brand new, starchy-sweet scent of my luscious frock as I pull the bow over the strings.

I'm the plain girl between two fluffy skirts on the left.
I’m the girl with glasses between two fluffy skirts on the left.

Is there an outfit that recalls special memories for you?

 

Tell your story here!

 

 

Purple Passages: A Dragon with a Gift, April 2014

LILACS

LILACS

April is the cruellest month, breeding

Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing

Memory and desire, stirring

Dull roots and spring rain.

T. S. Eliot The Waste-Land

 

When Lilacs last in the dooryard bloom’d

And the great star early droop’d in the western sky in the night,

I mourn’d, and yet shall mourn with every-returning spring.

Ever-returning spring, trinity sure to me you bring,

Lilac blooming perennial and drooping star in the west,

And thought of him I love.

 

Walt Whitman, elegy commemorating the death of Lincoln, 1865

 

EASTER

Easter is very important to me, it’s a second chance.  ―  Reba McEntire

Do not abandon yourselves to despair. We are the Easter people and hallelujah is our song.    ― Pope John Paul II

 

LAUGHTER

Laughter is the shock absorber that eases the blows of life.    (Unknown)

Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects.  ―  Arnold H. Glasgow

 

WORK

Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else. ―  J. M. Barrie

When you can’t figure out what to do, it’s time for a nap.    ― Mason Cooley

 

CHALLENGE

Challenge is a dragon with a gift in its mouth. Dragon and Gift_final_shade+color_crop_5x5_300

Tame the dragon and the gift is yours.

Noela Evans, on persevering through problems, endurance

Shakespeare says it another way, but with a toad:  Sweet are the uses of adversity which, like the toad, ugly and venomous, wears yet a precious jewel in his head. 

READING

Reading gives us someplace to go when we have to stay where we are. ― Mason Cooley

One rainy Sunday when I was in the third grade, I picked up a book to look at the pictures and discovered that even though I did not want to, I was reading. I have been a reader ever since.   ― Beverly Cleary

Marian Reading_14mos._2x4_300 THE  FUTURE

The best thing about the future is it comes one day at a time.  ― Abraham Lincoln

 *   *   *

Do you believe a challenge is a dragon with a gift in its mouth? A story about this that comes to mind . . . ?

What category can you add a quote to? 

What other topics would you like to see in this monthly feature, Purple Passages?

Coming next: Mennonite Flashback III: Rabbits and Rings

Purple Passages with a Fish & a Kiss

Purple Passages with a Fish & a Kiss, March 2014 Edition

Winter

Winter lies too long in country towns; hangs on until it is stale and shabby, old and sullen.     Willa Cather, My Antonia

If winter comes, can spring be far behind?     Percy Bysshe Shelley “Ode to the West Wind”

Gardens

Bougainvillea in my Garden
Bougainvillea in my Garden

The garden is one of the two great metaphors for humanity. The other, of course, is the river.      Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird

Grief

In God’s garden of grace, even a broken tree can bring forth fruit . . . . The greater the grief the fewer the words.         Pastor Rick Warren on The View: Friday, Dec. 7, 2013

The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost.    G. K. Chesterton

When a loved one becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure. Author Unknown   (viewed on Kathy Pooler’s website, January 27, 2014)

Einstein

bestEinsteinFishQuote

(Quote on education attributed to Einstein but disputed by some sources.)

KissingEinstein

 SUCCESS and HAPPINESS

Success is not the key to happiness, happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing you will be successful.         Dr. Albert Schweitzer  (Quoted in Daily Devotional: The Word for You Today, Dec. 2013–Feb. 2014.)

Question Mark w border1_1x1_300

Dear Reader: You may have noticed I have included only one garden quote today.

Can you add a quote or a thought about gardening or beauty?

Can you add any other quote to the themes this month?

 

Facebook: http://www.facebook/marian.beaman/

Twitter: www.twitter.com/martabeaman

Purple Passages with Pictures, January 2014 edition

VISIONS and DREAMS for 2014

courtesy Google Images
courtesy Google Images

A man must have dreams–memory dreams of the past and eager dreams of the future. I never want to stop reaching for new goals. – Maurice Chevalier

Then the Lord answered me and said: “Write the vision And make it plain on tablets, That he may run who reads it.        Habakkuk 2:2   New King James Version (NKJV)

Between your dream‘s inspiration and its manifestation, there’s going to be a lot of perspiration.     Daily Devotional: The Word for you Today, January 2, 2014 entry

A [wo]man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.  John Barrymore

MEMORY

Yesterday is today’s memory and tomorrow is today’s dream.  Kahlil Gibran

Memory is the script of the soul.  Aristototle

Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our [grand]children. Charles R. Swindoll

rosesAzaleas

God gave us memory so we might have roses in December, (January, February  . . )

From my JOURNALS 1996-1998

Gratitude is the heart’s memory.  French proverb

Puttering is creating a fresh interior landscape.   Sarah Ban Breathnach in Simple Abundance

Women share with men the need for personal success, even the taste for power, and no longer are we willing to satisfy those needs through the achievements of surrogates, whether husbands, children or merely role models.       Elizabeth Dole

On Music:

“The auditory nerve is very closely connected to the limbic system so that sound (i.e. music) does not have to go through the cortex of the brain but goes directly to the heart, the senses.”     unknown source  (noted April 9, 1998)

MusicFeelings

Rhythm in music imprints language on the brain in a way pure auditory words will not. Slower tempo in classical music develops a framework for learning to occur. NPR report on “The Mozart Effect” (1998)

Moobeams

What Makes a Moonbeam Audible for you?

Feel free to comment also on any of the categories about: visions, dreams, memory, music, or something else. I will always reply!

Still time to vote for my story in Sonia Marsh’s My Gutsy Story Contest. Thank you, thank you to all who have already voted. You make a difference!

To Vote:  http://soniamarsh.com/2014/01/vote-for-your-favorite-december-2013-my-gutsy-story.html

To Read: http://soniamarsh.com/2013/12/rising-above-the-pettiness-to-focus-on-the-positive-by-marian-beaman.html

Sm.pleaseVote

Voting closes at 12:00 midnight PST, Wednesday, January 15, 2014.

Purple Passages: December 2013 edition

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HOPE

Hope is a thing with feathers that perches in the soul.  Emily Dickinson

HopeFeathers

Hope is like a road in the country. There never was a road, but when many people traveled it, it came into existence.    Lyn Yutang

Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.     Ralph Waldo Emerson

Hope is the power of being cheerful in circumstances that we know to be desperate.       G. K. Chesterton

There is always hope when people are forced to listen to both sides.   John
Stuart Mill

CHANGE

Change means something good is coming, — even if I don’t yet understand all it will mean.   Joe Sherer, Missionary Messenger, November 2011

Until God opens the next door, praise him in the hallway.   Orebela Gbenga

PROGRESS

You’ll be amazed how much distance you can cover taking [life] in increments. Little things add up; inches turn to miles, We string together our efforts like so many pearls, and before long . . . you have a whole string!”

PearlsModified

Staying the Course  by B. J Gallagher quoted in Wednesday, October 12, 2013 entry in Daily Devotional: The Word for You Today

DISTANCE

Distance lends enchantment to the view,” explaining why events of our youth are enveloped in such a rosy cloud.    Laura Ingalls Wilder,  Little House in the Ozarks

Travel helps one see “how [American] ways look from a distance.”  Molly Hughes, A London Family   (1870-1900)

 STRESS-BUSTER

“. . . concentrate on breathing to quell the mind’s restless forays into the past and future.”  Geoffrey Cowley, “Stress-Busters: What Works” Newsweek, June 14, 1999.

Quiet zone low light, deep breaths . . . ah!
Quiet zone, low light, deep breaths . . . ah!

Try to let go of being in a state of readiness.  Yoga instructor, October 2, 1999.

NIGHT-CAP

Have courage in the great sorrows of life, and patience for the small ones. And when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake.       Victor Hugo

‘Tis the Season:

from It’s a Wonderful Life. Clarence the Angel leaves a reminder for George Bailey: “Remember, no man is a failure who has friends.”

Add a quote or respond to one you’ve just read. I look forward to your comments! And I will always reply.

Below is the link to my entry in the Gutsy Story Contest now in progress on the website of awarding-winning memoirist Sonia Marsh:

My Gutsy Story: Rising Above the Pettiness to Focus on the Positive

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